Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
