Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Randomize
