If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
