I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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