I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
