the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Randomize
