OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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