so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
