My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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