I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
