Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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