Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
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