If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
two words: eviction party
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
