you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I still have a little drunk in my system
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
