remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
