So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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