We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
