I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
