its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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