She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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