just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
