i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
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