No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
