That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
