Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize