he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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