Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
