What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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