Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
