when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
