Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Randomize
