During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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