Cold hands, warm shart.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Hippo gnu deer
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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