I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
It all started with a game of naked twister.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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