i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
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