i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
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