I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
