he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
