Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Randomize
