I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
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