yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
