i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
