And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Randomize
