I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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