i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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