eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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