I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
