Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
