my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I know her cup size but not her name....
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