8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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