a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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