If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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