Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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