She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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