I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
