so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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