everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
