So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
