I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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