there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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