I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
