he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
