he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize