shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Please, let me fuck your mom
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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