There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
