Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Randomize
