idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
