apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
