naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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