Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
