Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Vodka?
Forever.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
