What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Did I show you my penis last night?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
