she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
